Author Archives: Adam

This morning my precious cat was yacking a hairball (or something barfy) at 4:00 am. I heard her pumping that thing out in a few different locations near the bedroom. Shortly thereafter, I heard my wife get up to use the bathroom or something. I said, “Hey Love, Rainey just threw up at least twice — probablyContinue reading “Ms. Communication”

People often find their passion in life by giving to the world what they didn’t get themselves when they needed it most. I became an educator – to offer guidance, support, compassion, and understanding to adolescents who were often struggling to make sense of this crazy-ass life. That’s what I needed when I was younger.Continue reading “Being Human Is Harder Than It Looks”

You can’t love someone and control them. You have to decide between the two. Most folks aren’t controlling in the early, magical stages of a relationship. If they are, run! People generally keep a lid on their neurotic bullshit at least long enough to establish sexual ties and some emotional investment. Then they turn upContinue reading “Love or Control – Pick One”

In the mystical whirlwinds of a new relationship, our deepest human desire is fulfilled — our desire to be seen, heard, and valued by another. We are intensely seen and heard in the beginning, aren’t we? And smelled, and touched, and tasted. Yes! The sheer volume of validation and self-esteem that comes when someone is attracted toContinue reading “Love Explained”

(then comes growing the f**k up) Filling out official documents, I used to wonder why marital status options were “single, married, widowed, or divorced.” Where was the committed relationship box? As a serial monogamist, I always felt dishonest putting a check next to “single.” But after being married a few years now, I completely understand.Continue reading “First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage”

Childhood is a dangerous hood. It’s where most of the world’s pain and suffering come from. There are many maladaptive ways to survive a shitty childhood (becoming invisible, perfectionism, attention-seeking, addictions). Some of these coping mechanisms can be abandoned when we reach adulthood. But many of them stay lodged in our psyche as trauma-induced, defaultContinue reading “Stages of Emotional Healing”

The difference between healthy and unhealthy conflict If your partner turns everything into a fight, it’s a definite sign of emotional immaturity. Ask any math teacher if they’ve ever announced a test and had a student immediately get into a fight or throw a complete shit-fit and have to be removed from class. It’s aContinue reading “Are You Fighting For Your Relationship or Just Fighting?”

When you love someone, you’re willing to do things for them. Someone who loves their child might work tirelessly to ensure that the baby is safe, seen, soothed, and secure. Loving oneself is similar — taking consistent, daily action to protect and nurture ourselves. The challenge is that there are many harmful ways to doContinue reading “Do You Love Yourself?”

You don’t just get a garden. You work in a garden. A new relationship often feels like the garden of Eden. A bountiful cornucopia, overflowing with rapturous delights. “I have found the promised land!” you may say most emphatically. But after you ravage all the low-hanging fruit, it starts becoming a little more inconvenient. ItContinue reading “A Relationship Is Like A Garden”

Do you have a tendency to date the same kind of person over and over again? If so, that means you’re just like everyone else! Good job. There are many profound reasons why people constantly pick similar partners – in fact, this is the basis for everything I do at FixYourPicker.com. Most of these reasonsContinue reading “Who’s In The Dating Pool?”