The Easy Alternative to Healing

What’s faster, easier, less work, more convenient, and way cheaper than healing? I’ll give you some hints. It’s available 24/7 in abundant supply, and you won’t have to go very far to get it. Most people have some and are more than happy to share it with you. In fact, once you get it installed,Continue reading “The Easy Alternative to Healing”

Why Boundaries Are So Loving

Many people grew up with poor or missing boundaries in their family. Or they learned that they needed to disregard personal boundaries in order to get love and attention. Then, when they discover much later that their lack of boundaries is problematic, it often seems terribly difficult to rectify. I’d like to explain briefly whyContinue reading “Why Boundaries Are So Loving”

Fear of Intimacy or Abandonment?

People with an anxious attachment style have a conscious fear of abandonment and a subconscious fear of intimacy. People with an avoidant attachment style have a conscious fear of intimacy and a subconscious fear of abandonment. I know, crazy, right? Anxious folks felt abandoned as children, either physically or emotionally, so their fear of abandonmentContinue reading “Fear of Intimacy or Abandonment?”

Is Your Insecure Attachment Style a Problem?

Attachment Theory is relatively simple, yet it provides such profound insights into human behavior in relationships. I’m delighted to see people openly discussing their attachment style as these ideas filter into the mainstream. My biggest concern, however, is the shame, judgment, and negative connotations associated with insecure attachment styles. Perhaps you’ve heard that anxious attachmentContinue reading “Is Your Insecure Attachment Style a Problem?”

Let Go of the Story in Your Head

I got COVID for my birthday this year. Yeah, no shit. I drove about four hours from where we live in Panama to Uvita, Costa Rica (plus two hours of hellish border crossing that required more paperwork than adopting a child). Spent a few nights there at the beach by myself — I really enjoy my ownContinue reading “Let Go of the Story in Your Head”

Inner Critic: Spokesperson for Internalized Toxic Shame

Self-criticism, self-loathing, negative self-talk — these are typically indicators of unmet childhood needs that you blamed yourself for. For example, perhaps you only got attention from your parents when you were well-behaved and “successful” (hell, this may still be true), so you learned to punish the shit out of yourself for not being good and perfect allContinue reading “Inner Critic: Spokesperson for Internalized Toxic Shame”