You Are The Wound Beneath My Wings

Let’s say that you and I both like to play tennis. But let’s suppose that you like to play because it’s fun, and I play because my parents never gave a solitary fuck about me until I started winning tournaments and bringing home trophies. Or maybe they were literally abusive to me when I lostContinue reading “You Are The Wound Beneath My Wings”

Don’t Believe Everything You Think

Byron Katie says, “When I argue with reality, I lose, but only 100% of the time.” Katie is famous for The Work, which is a process for questioning your beliefs and exposing a faulty relationship with reality that is often at the center of manufacturing misery for yourself. It’s four simple questions, followed by aContinue reading “Don’t Believe Everything You Think”

Overlooked Causes and Effects of Shame

Growing up as the youngest of three boys in a dysfunctional home, I learned real quick that shit rolls downhill. All the trauma, shame, abuse, neglect, addiction, and chaos was unwittingly inflicted on me by people in my family who just didn’t know any better. And how was I supposed to know it wasn’t allContinue reading “Overlooked Causes and Effects of Shame”

Healing Toxic Shame

6 Essential Steps to Reclaim Your Life Live SeminarSaturday, November 12th8:00-11:00AM (PST) As a full-time relationship coach, I can say for sure that the greatest obstacle to helping people learn, heal, grow, and cultivate loving relationships with themselves and others is toxic shame. Hands down. Shame prevents people from setting boundaries, protecting themselves, asking forContinue reading “Healing Toxic Shame”

When Boundary Violation Is Your Love Language

In Gary Chapman’s classic title, The 5 Love Languages, he describes the various ways in which people give and receive love. For instance, some people don’t feel loved by their partner unless they experience physical affection or hear affirming words on a regular basis. Some feel disconnected from their beloved if they aren’t spending qualityContinue reading “When Boundary Violation Is Your Love Language”

Pathological Pleasantness

Are you delightful during all hours of every day? Just a stream of kindness, love, compassion, and cheerfulness? Do you have seven gratitude journals next to your bed? Are you compulsively helpful to everyone? Is happiness your default emotion? Ok, Adam, you just described Mary Poppins. What’s the problem here? Well, first of all, she’sContinue reading “Pathological Pleasantness”

Domestic Silence

Sometimes we don’t actually know what we want in our romantic relationships. Other times we do know but aren’t sure how to express it. Or we’re afraid to say it. Maybe we don’t feel like we deserve to have these desires — like we’d be asking for too much. And sometimes, we have asked — perhaps many times over — butContinue reading “Domestic Silence”

When Attachment Matters More Than Authenticity

Harry Harlow’s famous surrogate mother experiment with Rhesus monkeys in the 1960s showed us just how important attachment is. When these infant monkeys were given two inanimate “mothers,” one made of wood and wire that had a milk bottle and another made of rubber and terry cloth (but without food), the babies chose the snugglyContinue reading “When Attachment Matters More Than Authenticity”

Self-Care vs Self-Love

Self-care is definitely a vital part of living a happy and healthy life, but it’s damn near useless without self-love. Uh oh… wait a second… what’s the difference? Well, self-care is comprised of things like healthy eating, exercise, meditation, rest, hygiene, boundary setting, etc. — essentially anything you do that’s good for your physical and emotional health.Continue reading “Self-Care vs Self-Love”