The Vital Importance of Being Seen

Many people don’t realize just how important it is to be seen by others. This is why social media has become a jabillion dollar industry — it provides anyone with internet access the possibility of being seen by an essentially infinite audience. Every second of every day, someone somewhere in the world is uploading a selfie toContinue reading “The Vital Importance of Being Seen”

When Relationships Don’t Feel Safe

Some people were born to two nurturing, physically and emotionally present caregivers who showed them that relationships are safe places to get their needs met in healthy ways. Well, that certainly sounds lovely. But this is not the experience of, dare I say, the majority of humanity. When two people procreate, what are the oddsContinue reading “When Relationships Don’t Feel Safe”

Alternatives To Being Human

Being human is such a sloppy, unpredictable mess, isn’t it? Shame, fear, vulnerability, and uncertainty. Comparison and rejection. Pain and suffering. Humility. Needing to depend on others. And feelings? What the hell are those all about? Yuck. If only there was some way to sidestep the whole harrowing experience. In today’s article, I’m going toContinue reading “Alternatives To Being Human”

Anti-Self, No-Self, and Pro-Self Behaviors

What are your most detrimental relationships patterns? Do you ignore red flags? Settle for less? Lose yourself in the relationship? Attract emotionally unavailable people? Blame and fault-find? Reject others before they reject you? There are hundreds of such obviously dysfunctional behaviors. Many people are even painfully aware of them. I always date projects and fixer-uppers.Continue reading “Anti-Self, No-Self, and Pro-Self Behaviors”

Disorganized Attachment: Where Love and Fear Collide

Have you ever wanted something so bad, but when you got it, you burned it to the ground? Or maybe you sabotaged it before you even got your hands on it. Have you ever done this with a relationship? Perhaps you’ve dated people like this. Whether it was you or the other person, this behaviorContinue reading “Disorganized Attachment: Where Love and Fear Collide”

How Is Low Self-Esteem Serving You?

As far as I can tell, all human behavior serves one of two purposes: meeting your needs or protecting yourself. I know intelligent, attractive, highly successful people with low self-esteem. I’ve also met a few scumbags with very high self-esteem. So I must conclude that self-esteem has very little basis in objective reality. We couldContinue reading “How Is Low Self-Esteem Serving You?”

The 4 Pillars of Healing and Growth

You don’t have any new problems. Anything that’s eating your lunch is something you’ve most likely been carrying with you all your life. Do your personal relationships suck? Surely a product of your attachment style and upbringing. Low self-esteem? That started as a kid. Codependent or unable to set healthy boundaries? Definitely childhood stuff. Unable to ask for help?Continue reading “The 4 Pillars of Healing and Growth”

How Do I Heal My Nervous System?

If you suffer from low self-esteem, self-loathing, or self-sabotage… if you’ve got toxic shame, chronic anxiety, or depression… if you seem to have a perpetually dysregulated nervous system and just can’t shake your bad habits, intrusive thoughts, and self-defeating behaviors, you may be asking yourself… what the fuck?! Well, I’d like to take a moment toContinue reading “How Do I Heal My Nervous System?”