Making Space for Something New

In 2019, my wife and I quit our jobs (our careers, really) and decided to make space for something new. I’m not sure either one of us had any idea what that would be. But we sold and donated half our stuff, packed some things in storage, and loaded up our suitcases to move abroad.

I remember arriving at the airport (with our three cats, mind you) to check an unreasonable amount of luggage, and the lady at the counter was like, “Where are your return tickets? We can’t check you onto an international flight with no return.”

I thought my heart was gonna explode.

We had moved out of our home, sold our cars, and pushed all our chips into the center of the table. We were technically homeless at the moment, and if this person didn’t let us on the plane, we were gonna have to take up residence at Los Angeles International Airport.

It’s bad enough that LAX is what you’d expect if anxiety attack was a physical place. But then, feelings of powerlessness and overwhelm put my reasoning abilities into the fetal position. Lucky for me, my wife is not of the “to be fucked with” variety of woman.

Despite the least helpful ticketing agent on earth, the one hundred disgruntled people in line behind us, and the incapacitated husband, Rebecca saved the day before the last grains of sand slipped through the hourglass. She just bought some random return tickets, and we literally ran to the gate for final boarding call.

Making Something New

Fast forward through an unholy immigration process, acquiring visas and driver’s licenses, finding a home and a car (oh yeah, and learning to speak a different language), and it was about time for me to figure out my life’s purpose before I burned through all my savings. No big deal.

One can buy an available website domain for about ten bucks. But of course, some goddamn internet pirate was sitting on FixYourPicker.com, demanding thousands of dollars for it — pretty much all the money I had left. Begrudgingly, I forked over the ransom and decided I better find out how to build a whole ass business from the ground up real fast. Because, at this point, I was tracking how much insulin I had left before I’d need to invest in a ski mask.

[Insert montage of me frantically learning international tax law and CSS code, building a website with a blog, integrating it with scheduling, CRM, payment processing, googleforms, plugins, analytics, and automations, snatching up all the @fixyourpicker social handles, and writing enough copy to found a new country.]

After launching my website and social media accounts in early 2020, I started waking up at 4:30 six days a week to create, create, create. And on the seventh day, I rested. Haha, just kidding — that’s not true. On the seventh day, I woke up at 3:30 and spent the entire day writing and publishing my weekly article.

I’m not sure what’s more remarkable, that I did that shit for two years or that my wife didn’t murder me. Of course, Rebecca eventually said she needed work-free weekends with me (thank God), and I had to once again make space for something new.

Recognizing Something Old

For better or worse, loving what you do, doing it a lot, and becoming really good at it tend to go hand-in-hand. I’ve been blessed with a constant stream of wonderful coaching clients and have grown a lovely readership and following across various platforms and media. It’s been a pretty amazing ride.

Of necessity, I’ve also done a tremendous amount of learning, healing, and growing myself — working with various therapists, coaches, and spiritual teachers. Reading tons of books, attending workshops, courses, and conferences. A complacent person can’t show other people how to grow. So I stay hungry.

For nearly four years, I’ve managed to share daily content and weekly articles to chronicle this journey in a fairly impressive body of work. But lately, I’ve been feeling like I wanna spend more time creating a digital course, updating my website, and working on a book — all efforts to help more people. Things I’ve started but consistently have difficulty making time for.

I realize that what I did to get me to where I’m at probably won’t take me to where I’m going.

Coaching folks one-on-one to heal their trauma, overcome insecure attachment, and completely transform their lives is something I’m not ready to give up just yet. It’s perhaps the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. So, this past Monday, I announced that I’d be taking a break from social media. I can no longer justify investing that much time and energy into something that isn’t the work my soul is calling me to do.

And for the same reason, today I’m announcing that I’ll be taking a break from publishing Saturday articles.

I have to make space for something new.

Shedding Skin

When snakes grow, their skin doesn’t (which is kinda weird… but ok, nature). So when they inevitably need to shed the old skin that’s preventing them from growing, they get uncomfortable, stressed, and itchy. And just like no one really “decides” when they go into labor, the snake is compelled to shed.

It’s not really a choice.

Wriggling out of its old skin, the snake liberates itself to a sense of freedom and movement it perhaps forgot it was capable of and leaves behind all kinds of parasites, scars, and unhelpful shit on its former exterior. I imagine it probably feels a little tired, raw, and exposed for a bit. But then it continues to grow into something new.

Feeling Naked

While transforming from “I am this” to “I am that,” we must necessarily pass through an uncomfortable state of simply “I am.” It usually feels like the hole in the donut, but it’s actually the only thing about you that’s always true.

This is the real you, the eternal you, the unshakeable you. It’s the center of the wheel that does not move, but without which the wheel itself cannot move. A place of freedom, empowerment, and creation — where all things are possible.

Or it’s the place where fear, shame, ego, regret, and self-pity eat you alive, haha. I suppose it depends on your mental health and spiritual fitness.

Most people come here after moving out of a job, a role, a relationship, or a city. So it’s only natural that they’re visited by these psychic gremlins. But I believe if we can tolerate the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings that accompany not knowing what’s next, we can tap into something truly amazing.

Some people call this faith. But what is faith but the quality of our relationship with uncertainty?

If I wanna create something beyond what I currently think is possible, uncertainty might be the only vehicle that’ll get me there. So here I go. Again. Making space for something new.

What’s Next

I’m certain that I’ll re-emerge on social media at some point. And I’ll most likely publish again. But I have no idea what, when, or how. I’ll do it when it makes sense. My plan is to step into the void, get real quiet, and listen to the wisdom of stillness (because busyness isn’t telling me anything useful at the moment).

Melody Beattie once wrote, “Intuition is your soul remembering what it came here to do.” I didn’t plan on announcing a social media break on Monday. It just happened. Now I’m writing this article, apparently. And I have to assume my soul knows where it’s going because I have no clue.

But I’ll let you know when I get there.

Love,

-Adam

---