Category Archives: Uncategorized

Self-criticism, self-loathing, negative self-talk — these are typically indicators of unmet childhood needs that you blamed yourself for. For example, perhaps you only got attention from your parents when you were well-behaved and “successful” (hell, this may still be true), so you learned to punish the shit out of yourself for not being good and perfect allContinue reading “Inner Critic: Spokesperson for Internalized Toxic Shame”

How much time, energy and resources do you spend trying to get other people to like you, love you, notice, appreciate, understand, admire, respect, or agree with you? How often do you trade authenticity for connection? Do you find yourself compulsively checking your phone for responses, likes, views, or comments? Your first reaction may beContinue reading “Self-Love: Easier Said Than Done”

“Trauma teaches us to fear our feelings rather than feel our feelings because feeling them would be far more dangerous,” explains physician Gabor Maté. Amidst the abuse, abandonment, or neglect of shitty childhood experiences, if we truly felt the depth of despair and horror that was present in us, we may have taken our ownContinue reading “The #1 Sign of Healing from Trauma”

Humans have just been procreating and traumatizing the shit out of each other since the dawn of time. Largely not on purpose, I believe. But the emotional suppression required to live with unresolved trauma is exactly the ignorance that ensures we inflict our wounds onto those around us — especially our children. To clarify, trauma isn’t necessarilyContinue reading “The #1 Sign of Unresolved Trauma”

All human behavior serves a function. Your most addictive, compulsive, self-destructive, self-abandoning, and self-sabotaging behavior? Yup. You do that shit for a reason. Human beings, if nothing else, are highly adaptable creatures. It’s one of our greatest evolutionary advantages. However, what often happens is: We experience childhood abuse, neglect, enmeshment, abandonment, or unmet needs. Trauma,Continue reading “When Your Survival Strategies Start Killing You”

Life is too short to be hanging out with negative people — even if they’re family. Sarcasm, pessimism, cynicism, one-upping, constant complaining, chronic discontent, blamey, shamey, judgey, negative influences. Most forms of negativity are trauma responses, vulnerability avoidance tactics, or some kind of maladaptive coping mechanism. Botched attempts at protecting themselves or getting their needs met byContinue reading “Three Types of Boundaries”

Many of us felt abandoned as children. Maybe because of divorce, addiction, death, or mental health problems. One or both parents worked too much or were preoccupied with other things. We were the youngest of many kids. A sibling with special needs got all the attention. Perhaps we were diagnosed with an illness and spentContinue reading “The Most Diabolical Thing About Self-Abandonment”

Some people have a difficult time receiving a compliment. Maybe they deflect, “Nawww, it’s no big deal, really.” Sometimes they flip the compliment back on the other person, “No, you’re the real MVP.” They minimize, “Just doing my job, ma’am.” Then there’s self-deprecation (essentially wiping your ass with someone’s kind words). “Who me? No way.Continue reading “Why Receiving A Compliment Is So Hard”

The other day my wife said something to me in front of a friend who was staying with us that triggered the whole shit outta me. Some of my deepest childhood hurt is about not feeling seen, heard, or respected, feeling like what I have to say doesn’t matter, and feeling like a burden toContinue reading “Distance Is The Next Best Thing”

Toxic shame is an erroneous, corrosive, self-fulfilling belief about what you ARE. A chronic, core identity sickness that gathers data to justify its own ravaging, downstream effects on your life. Shame is most often the reason people tolerate shitty behavior, shitty boundaries, shitty jobs, shitty partners, shitty everything. Because shame is proof-positive that you eitherContinue reading “Trickle-Down Shame-Anomics”