Category Archives: Uncategorized

Everyone you date is teaching you a lesson. Could be about yourself, boundaries, expectations, codependency, communication, conflict, compromise, vulnerability, compassion… literally anything. But more often than not, that lesson has something to do with becoming a fuller, more integrated human being. And I don’t mean that in a “You complete me” kinda way. I meanContinue reading “Love – The Ultimate Teacher”

Whose love did you crave most when you were a kid? This is typically a parent but sometimes a grandparent, sibling, or coach. And who did you have to become to get that love? What did you have to do or not do? Did you have to perform, please, prove, or perfect? Be super grownContinue reading “The Things We Become for Love”

Hypothetically, let’s say you feel absolutely terrible. Physically, mentally, emotionally — something just ain’t right. So you go see your doctor right away. The doctor says, “Mmm hmm… I understand your symptoms. I know just what the problem is. I’m going to prescribe some medicine for your ex.” You reply, “Thanks, doc. I feel much better already!”Continue reading “Wishing Others Would Change”

When our one-year-old developmental needs are met, we become two-year-olds. We cannot become psychologically eight until our seven-year-old needs are met. In other words, maturation is a linear process. So when certain needs go unsatisfied, we get stuck, developmentally speaking. As we age, we learn adulty behavior — to have jobs, kids, responsibilities, and such. But whenContinue reading “The Vicious Cycle of Unmet Needs”

Riding in the back seat of the car, she uses massive kitchen shears to point at something on my face. “Woahhhh there,” I say as I push the scissors away. “We’re in a moving vehicle. Don’t point those things at me.” After a bit more discussion, now the car is in reverse, and this womanContinue reading “Am I the Problem?”

As a kid, I remember thinking it was sooooo important to get everyone in my life presents for Christmas. Maybe not because I was so generous and wonderful but more likely because I was terrified of not being loved, accepted, or esteemed. It was like I had to reassure people that it was worth theirContinue reading “Dumb-Ass Holiday Traditions”

The unavoidable consequence of unprocessed trauma is self-reliance. Fierce independence, isolation, inability to ask for help, perfectionism, workaholism, addiction — it comes in all shapes and sizes. But behind each mask is a desperate attempt to regulate an inner turmoil that we never made sense of. When we feel threatened, powerless, or have any experience that overwhelmsContinue reading “Trauma-Induced Self-Reliance”

“Where there is resentment, there is martyrdom.” ~Natalie Ryan Hebert My friend, mentor, and fellow healer Natalie dropped this heater on me the other day. Hooweee, that’s got some stank on it! The way I read that (and she can correct me if I’m wrong) is that, if I’m resentful, I’ve probably made a decisionContinue reading “Resentment and Martyrdom”

Blaise Pascal once wrote, “All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” People do all kinds of wild shit to avoid the existential dread of loneliness. Sure, humans are social animals and the very fabric of our existence is comprised of relationships, but it is absolutely essential toContinue reading “Alone But Not Lonely”

You don’t have any new problems. Anything that’s eating your lunch is something you’ve most likely been carrying all your life. Do your personal relationships suck? Surely a product of your attachment style and upbringing. Low self-esteem? That started as a kid. Codependent or unable to set healthy boundaries? Definitely childhood stuff. Unable to askContinue reading “The 4 Pillars of Healing and Growth”