Love – The Ultimate Teacher

Everyone you date is teaching you a lesson. Could be about yourself, boundaries, expectations, codependency, communication, conflict, compromise, vulnerability, compassion… literally anything. But more often than not, that lesson has something to do with becoming a fuller, more integrated human being. And I don’t mean that in a “You complete me” kinda way. I meanContinue reading “Love – The Ultimate Teacher”

Wishing Others Would Change

Hypothetically, let’s say you feel absolutely terrible. Physically, mentally, emotionally — something just ain’t right. So you go see your doctor right away. The doctor says, “Mmm hmm… I understand your symptoms. I know just what the problem is. I’m going to prescribe some medicine for your ex.” You reply, “Thanks, doc. I feel much better already!”Continue reading “Wishing Others Would Change”

The Vicious Cycle of Unmet Needs

When our one-year-old developmental needs are met, we become two-year-olds. We cannot become psychologically eight until our seven-year-old needs are met. In other words, maturation is a linear process. So when certain needs go unsatisfied, we get stuck, developmentally speaking. As we age, we learn adulty behavior — to have jobs, kids, responsibilities, and such. But whenContinue reading “The Vicious Cycle of Unmet Needs”

Trauma-Induced Self-Reliance

The unavoidable consequence of unprocessed trauma is self-reliance. Fierce independence, isolation, inability to ask for help, perfectionism, workaholism, addiction — it comes in all shapes and sizes. But behind each mask is a desperate attempt to regulate an inner turmoil that we never made sense of. When we feel threatened, powerless, or have any experience that overwhelmsContinue reading “Trauma-Induced Self-Reliance”

Resentment and Martyrdom

“Where there is resentment, there is martyrdom.” ~Natalie Ryan Hebert My friend, mentor, and fellow healer Natalie dropped this heater on me the other day. Hooweee, that’s got some stank on it! The way I read that (and she can correct me if I’m wrong) is that, if I’m resentful, I’ve probably made a decisionContinue reading “Resentment and Martyrdom”

Alone But Not Lonely

Blaise Pascal once wrote, “All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” People do all kinds of wild shit to avoid the existential dread of loneliness. Sure, humans are social animals and the very fabric of our existence is comprised of relationships, but it is absolutely essential toContinue reading “Alone But Not Lonely”

The 4 Pillars of Healing and Growth

You don’t have any new problems. Anything that’s eating your lunch is something you’ve most likely been carrying all your life. Do your personal relationships suck? Surely a product of your attachment style and upbringing. Low self-esteem? That started as a kid. Codependent or unable to set healthy boundaries? Definitely childhood stuff. Unable to askContinue reading “The 4 Pillars of Healing and Growth”