I wrote a 2,300 word article today and thought it was gonna be really neat-o. Then, through divine intervention, I was able to see that it would not have been ethically sound or within my integrity to publish.
My first feeling was a little bummed that I couldn’t ship that beast of an article. But shortly thereafter some embarrassment settled in for even thinking that it was a good idea in the first place. Then, I actually got a little nauseous.
Ok, so maybe I was teetering on the precipice of a shame spiral.
Luckily for me, a billion dollars of therapy and fourteen years of recovery work later, I have just the modicum of awareness that will keep me from setting my life on fire over it.
I know that when I feel icky, it’s good for me to talk to another human being about it. Toxic shame thrives in the darkness and isolation of a disturbed mind, so when I told my wife about it, that shame scattered like the filthy little cockroach it is.
I was able to tell myself, “Hey, that was just a temporary lapse in judgment. You’re a good man, Adam. Take it easy on yourself.”
So today’s short ass article is mostly about humility, I guess.
Humility is not thinking less of yourself – just thinking of yourself less.
I’m gonna click publish on this thing, go take a hot shower to make sure I got all that cockroach juice off me, and then I’m gonna go see about spending some quality time with this beautiful woman I married.
I’ll do better next Saturday.