Author Archives: Adam

It’s amazing how the whole world seems to change when I heal. I no longer see people as adversarial, threatening, or terrible — sent to earth with the sole mission of making my life suck. You see, when other people are the problem, I get to be a shithead. This is war! Screw those people! But whenContinue reading “Making Others Bad to Justify Your Shitty Behavior”

I sure do love me some self-help books. Truly. But I have learned that knowledge is never enough. Understanding your problem is definitely important. Most folks don’t recover from a problem they can’t even identify. But healing requires action. Small. Consistent. Daily. Action. Let me explain… Healing often requires that you re-train the thinking partContinue reading “Your Lizard Brain Don’t Read Books”

If you’re over the moon infatuated with another human being, it’s typically not because this person is your soul mate and you can’t let them get away. That kind of “chemistry” (oxytocin, adrenaline, dopamine, and vasopressin, to be specific) comes from inside you, not from someone else. Supernatural, electromagnetic attraction often has very little toContinue reading “C.R.A.Z.Y. (Compulsive Romantic Attraction & Zealous Yearning)”

There’s a pain living deep inside you, and there ain’t enough room in that town for the both of ya. So you leave. Often. Seldom do you return home where the hurt fills every room. You find temporary lodging in busyness, achievement, self-medication, and turmoil. Essentially a homeless homeowner – embarrassing to admit, even to yourself. CompulsiveContinue reading “Dear Exhausted Survivor,”

Life is sloppy. It’s not tidy or well-behaved. Nor is it the most predictable thing around. The whole mess is an iterative, trial-and-error investigation that hopefully moves you ever closer to self-discovery on your journey from utter unconsciousness — stumbling through various identities, beliefs, feelings, and realities — to a conscious existence that requires the least amount of psychicContinue reading “Stay in Your Lane or Stay in Your Pain”

“There is no way to self-acceptance. Self-acceptance is the way.” – Slight twist on a classic Gandhi quote. Self-acceptance is not what you get after becoming the best version of your best self. It’s not something you must earn, achieve, or prove yourself worthy of. People often jam acceptance from others into the hole whereContinue reading “Self-Acceptance Is The Way”

In nature, when an animal is afraid, all the other animals will either run away from it or attack the shit out of it. Humans are kinda the same way, unfortunately. When we’re anxious and afraid, we broadcast physiological cues of threat, and the people around us react accordingly.  This is why fear of rejectionContinue reading “Cues of Safety and Threat”

I was blown away by this concept of “The Protective Self” presented by Jackson Mackenzie in his brilliant book, Whole Again: Healing Your Heart and Rediscovering Your True Self After Toxic Relationships and Emotional Abuse. In this article, I’ll be sharing this idea with you mostly in my own words and with my own spin.Continue reading “The Protective Self”

Most people have heard the phrase “fight or flight,” and probably an increasing number of people are hearing about the other stress responses of freeze and fawn. Regardless of how much you know about these 4F strategies, you’ve likely heard them come up in a context of triggers, bad habits, and lizard brain reactivity. ButContinue reading “Fight / Flight / Freeze / Fawn”