“There is no way to self-acceptance. Self-acceptance is the way.” – Slight twist on a classic Gandhi quote.
Self-acceptance is not what you get after becoming the best version of your best self. It’s not something you must earn, achieve, or prove yourself worthy of.
People often jam acceptance from others into the hole where self-acceptance should live. Although, being accepted by others often requires self-abandonment and inauthenticity, so that’s not really a path to self-acceptance either.
Self-acceptance and toxic shame cannot coexist in a human heart. You gotta choose one.
Unfortunately, toxic shame is a lot more interesting. You can spin it into anger, codependency, perfectionism, self-loathing, addiction, workaholism, and all kinds of performance arts.
Self-acceptance only results in peace, love, stillness, and serenity – all decidedly not that exciting.
So please, by all means, run with that “I’m not good enough” bullshit for as long as you can tolerate the excitement. Ride til the wheels fall off. That’s what I did.
Perhaps, for some of us, self-acceptance isn’t really a choice we make, but rather the thing we do when we run out of other options. Who’s to say?
But please know that when you reach the end of your rope and can’t possibly despise your own existence for another second, self-acceptance will be waiting there like a wise mother who quietly stood nearby and watched her child learn a predictably painful lesson.
Self-acceptance cannot wait to wrap you up in her tender arms and tell you that you’re ok. That learning requires us to become momentarily incompetent. That growth often hurts. Mistakes are inevitable. That the journey of self-discovery is a long and windy road, and that none of your human experiences are bad, wrong, or despicable.
Self-acceptance is unconditional love that you give to yourself.
And that’s what we’re all looking for anyway, isn’t it?