When Others Feel Hurt

If someone asks me to do them a favor and I say no (either because I have a doctor’s appointment that day or simply because I don’t feel like it), they might feel hurt about it.

That’s fine.

One person might feel hurt, while another person may not take the slightest offense. This tells me it’s possible for someone’s hurt feelings to have nothing to do with me. In most cases, those feelings arise from within them, based on their own expectations or past conditioning.

Not my circus. Not my monkeys.

Setting boundaries is hard for many people. After years of letting every Tom, Dick, and Harry reach up in your emotional cookie jar, when you finally put a lid on that thing you might feel like you’re “hurting” others by denying them free access to your personal resources of time and energy.

Nonsense.

It may certainly feel that way. But my friends, you absolutely have to protect yourself from the wandering hands of the inconsiderate masses that sleepwalk through this town.

Let’s say you have dogs. Imagine you think it’s a swell idea to keep a bunch of delicious food laying around the house. You have told your dogs not to eat your treats, but for some crazy reason, you keep waking up to discover your delicacies have been gobbled up.

Now, is this your dogs’ fault?

Surrrrre ain’t.

Telling your dogs “Don’t eat my food” is not a boundary. At best, it’s a wooden doll that wants to be a real boundary when it grows up.

Talk is cheap. Setting a healthy boundary takes a little more work.

Some people might take it personally when you do what’s best for you. These are people who stand to benefit the most from the example of your healthy self-interest.

The one’s who don’t get their panties in a bunch when you tell them no – these are likely the healthiest friends you have.

And if you don’t have any friends like this… I wonder what that says about your personal boundaries?

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