Category Archives: Uncategorized

Do you date people who are emotionally unavailable, immature, or somehow unable to give you what you want in a relationship? Just for fun, let’s do a little experiment… Write down your complaint(s) about your past or present relationship(s). Example: My partner is never there for me. Now, write down the opposite or the thing youContinue reading “Why You Won’t Date Anyone Healthier Than You Can Handle”

Safety is a fundamental human necessity. A biological imperative. Any living organism that doesn’t feel safe is liable to act on survival instinct and impulsive reflexes. When people feel safe, they act like people; when they don’t feel safe, they act like animals. Makes sense, yeah? Ok, so why are so many people out hereContinue reading “Looking For Safety In All The Wrong Places”

People need to believe they’re not reprehensible turds to keep from suck-starting any shotguns. So, from a biological standpoint, denial is an evolutionary advantage. In terms of personal growth and development, however, denial is an invisible hurdle that sufferers don’t even know they have to clear. It’s kind of an impossible situation. Gaslighting, for example.Continue reading “Denial: The Gift and The Curse”

Most human emotions show up right on time — sadness after a death, joy during a wonderful experience, etc. They’re rather predictable and relatively well-behaved. Shame, on the other hand, quietly slides in unannounced through the back door you didn’t know it had a key to. It wears your mistakes like the rings on a pimp andContinue reading “Shame: The Shit-talkin-est Emotion Ever”

Why do people settle for less in relationships? 1) Unresolved relational trauma. 2) Lack of self-worth, self-esteem, self-awareness, self-care. Toxic shame. Broken relationship with self. 3) The oxytocin tsunami of early love makes them blind, docile, and complacent. None of these is your “fault.” But they’re definitely your responsibility. Telling yourself or someone else toContinue reading “Getting Exactly What You Settle For“

Who were you before you learned who you had to be to receive love? I hate that so many innocent children feel like they have to trade in their authenticity for connection. Sometimes I think conditional love is almost worse than no love at all. Sure, not being loved for who you are is tough,Continue reading “Trading Authenticity for Connection”

You know what’s worse for a relationship than fighting all the time? Not fighting all the time. There is productive conflict and unproductive conflict — sometimes good, sometimes bad. But the complete absence of conflict in a relationship is always a problem. Obviously, I’m not talking about new relationships in the honeymoon phase of unicorn rides throughContinue reading “Hand Grenades Made of Silence”

Dating is a funny thing. In theory, it means two people mutually sharing their authentic selves to see if their values, goals, and personalities align enough to make a long-term relationship viable. However, that’s not even close to what people are out here doing. But why??? If we’re not doing that, what exactly are weContinue reading “The Inherent Pitfalls of Dating”

Whether December 25th is a holy day, a holiday, or just another day on your calendar, we all get a fresh twenty-four hours. And that’s something to celebrate in its own right. But I’d like to share with ya’ll a little bit about what makes this day special for me. Hard Work I’ve been workingContinue reading “Why Holidays Are Important To Me”

Did you have an alcoholic parent growing up, and now you somehow only date alcoholics? Or perhaps your parent was a workaholic, a rager, emotionally unavailable, a narcissist (or whatever), and sure enough — that’s exactly who you shack up with. Isn’t that shit wild? For years, I used to think that recreating the relationship dynamics of a painfulContinue reading “Why You Keep Recreating Shitty Relationships”