Making Others Bad to Justify Your Shitty Behavior

Guy pointing his finger straight at you

It’s amazing how the whole world seems to change when I heal. I no longer see people as adversarial, threatening, or terrible — sent to earth with the sole mission of making my life suck.

You see, when other people are the problem, I get to be a shithead.

This is war! Screw those people!

But when I realize that we’re all in the same boat, doing the best we can with what we got, and I’m not above or below anyone… well, then it becomes much harder to justify being part of the problem.

Perhaps they make mistakes, just like me. Maybe they’re still growing and learning, often through painful experiences, just like me. It might be that they’re struggling with some personal challenge that causes them to inadvertently harm others from time to time, just like me.

We learn and grow from our mistakes. How can I expect anyone around me to grow if I don’t give them the grace to make mistakes? Was I not granted this very grace? Do I think I’m more deserving of it somehow? That I’m exempt from the need to extend grace to my fellows as it was freely given to me?

“To err is human” (Alexander Pope) and “Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes” (Mahatma Gandhi). Welcome to Earth. This is how stuff works here. Stop taking it personal.

This is why intentionally cultivating compassion improves your life experience and makes you a better version of yourself. Compassion requires you to not take shit personally.

I am just like other people. That’s a fact. If I hate others, I inevitably hate some part of myself. Thus, compassion, empathy, and understanding are low-key the antidote to self-loathing.

I would argue that judging other people as worse than you by whatever metric is actually dishonest because we don’t know that you’d be doing any different if you were in their shoes. In fact, you might be worse off if you were fighting the same demons they regularly do battle with. So cool your jets, Judgy McJudgerson.

Other people can’t “make you feel” this or “make you do” that. If you wanna be salty, resentful, and vindictive, that’s totally fine. Have at it.

But please don’t blame your choices on someone else.

Published by Adam

Mentor, coach, speaker and educator for over 12 years. I have recovered from and triumphed over many obstacles and afflictions. It brings me tremendous joy to help others overcome similar circumstances so they can live their best lives.

2 thoughts on “Making Others Bad to Justify Your Shitty Behavior

  1. So on point (per the usual). This needs to be a widely delivered PSA. People are not trying to actively mess your shit up- and if for some reason they actually are, that’s a bummer for them.

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