Physicists have long since proven that light exhibits properties of both waves and particles. But not necessarily like a wavy river of particles. Literally, one ass photon (particle of light) propagates in a wavelike fashion.
I know… doesn’t make any damn sense. Is it a wave or a particle?
The simple answer is yes.
As it turns out, romantic relationships exhibit a similar duality.
My wife and I are certainly separate entities — two particles if you will. However, our relationship has been a singular wave of quantifiable highs and lows that ripple outward in all directions. It has created every aspect of our big, beautiful, and completely unforeseeable life together.
It’s self-evident that I am not this wave, and neither is she. And yet, how could our relationship not be an inextricable expression of who we fundamentally are as individuals?
People get into trouble when they attempt to view themselves, their partner, and their relationship as either a cohesive wave OR separate particles. Every physicist knows that the way you observe a phenomenon necessarily affects it. Go lookin for waves, and light gets real wavy. Look for particles, and light gets hella particular.
In other words, how you look at something literally changes the thing you’re looking at. This is one of the most startling existential discoveries of modern science.
Now, I must ask, how do you view your relationship?
Are you an empty cup, and it’s your partner’s job to fill you up? Or the other way around? Two halves that make each other whole? Are you under the impression that you are both fully mature, functioning adults who don’t have any emotional baggage or unfinished business to work out? That one of you is somehow “better” than the other? Is it your partner’s job to “choose you” or save you from something?
Seriously, what do you think a relationship is? What are you expecting from it?
Albert Einstein once said, “The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.” Bro obviously had a pretty solid understanding of physics, but more importantly, he understood the impact of our beliefs about a thing on that thing.
So… how are your beliefs impacting your relationship? And what are you gonna do about it?
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I know next to nothing about quantum physics. But I’ve always been drawn to your work because I’m aware that relationship truth (like the fact that we date at our own level of emotional maturity, for example) requires the humility to dance with and then eventually also surrender to the universal nature of Truth. I’ve found this embracing of non-duality is paradoxically what’s empowered me to willingly surrender to what I simply can’t always know or explain, much less control (quantum physics? free will!?).
I so admire your willingness and ability to use your words to paint an always-clearer picture of what that surrendering to Truth looks like. This knowing guides my decisions as a partner, a parent, and a leader now—and has been completely transformational in all of my most important relationships—which is setting me free.
Thank you very much, Adam.
You are very kind, Sarah Grace. Thank you always for freely sharing your gratitude and encouraging me to keep trying my hand at painting this ever elusive Truth.
Beautifully written and well said. I look forward every week to your musings and insights. I find them really helpful – this one is no different. Thank you Adam.
Ahhhh, thank you kindly, my good man. I really appreciate it. It’s very helpful for me to know that people are indeed reading. 🙏🏼😊