Author Archives: Adam

Welcome to the Gaslighting Academy. Today, we’ll be discussing an extremely effective way to subvert a perfectly reasonable request to discuss your relationship status. If you want to make emotional immaturity and noncommittal aloofness sound special and romantic, drop this gem as soon as the topic comes up, “Why do you wanna put a labelContinue reading ““Why Do You Wanna Put a Label on It?””

Many people don’t realize just how important it is to be seen by others. This is why social media has become a jabillion dollar industry — it provides anyone with internet access the possibility of being seen by an essentially infinite audience. Every second of every day, someone somewhere in the world is uploading a selfie toContinue reading “The Vital Importance of Being Seen”

Some people were born to two nurturing, physically and emotionally present caregivers who showed them that relationships are safe places to get their needs met in healthy ways. Well, that certainly sounds lovely. But this is not the experience of, dare I say, the majority of humanity. When two people procreate, what are the oddsContinue reading “When Relationships Don’t Feel Safe”

Being human is such a sloppy, unpredictable mess, isn’t it? Shame, fear, vulnerability, and uncertainty. Comparison and rejection. Pain and suffering. Humility. Needing to depend on others. And feelings? What the hell are those all about? Yuck. If only there was some way to sidestep the whole harrowing experience. In today’s article, I’m going toContinue reading “Alternatives To Being Human”

What are your most detrimental relationships patterns? Do you ignore red flags? Settle for less? Lose yourself in the relationship? Attract emotionally unavailable people? Blame and fault-find? Reject others before they reject you? There are hundreds of such obviously dysfunctional behaviors. Many people are even painfully aware of them. I always date projects and fixer-uppers.Continue reading “Anti-Self, No-Self, and Pro-Self Behaviors”

Have you ever wanted something so bad, but when you got it, you burned it to the ground? Or maybe you sabotaged it before you even got your hands on it. Have you ever done this with a relationship? Perhaps you’ve dated people like this. Whether it was you or the other person, this behaviorContinue reading “Disorganized Attachment: Where Love and Fear Collide”

As far as I can tell, all human behavior serves one of two purposes: meeting your needs or protecting yourself. I know intelligent, attractive, highly successful people with low self-esteem. I’ve also met a few scumbags with very high self-esteem. So I must conclude that self-esteem has very little basis in objective reality. We couldContinue reading “How Is Low Self-Esteem Serving You?”

I wrote a 2,300 word article today and thought it was gonna be really neat-o. Then, through divine intervention, I was able to see that it would not have been ethically sound or within my integrity to publish. My first feeling was a little bummed that I couldn’t ship that beast of an article. ButContinue reading “A Little Slice of Humble Pie”

Childhood is the most dangerous hood in the world. The crime rate is astronomical, and literally no one is patrolling those streets. Shit that happens in that hood – from broken promises and stolen dreams to first-degree soul murder – goes largely unaccounted for until the statute of limitations is up. The result is a bewilderedContinue reading “Emotional Ghosts”

You don’t have any new problems. Anything that’s eating your lunch is something you’ve most likely been carrying with you all your life. Do your personal relationships suck? Surely a product of your attachment style and upbringing. Low self-esteem? That started as a kid. Codependent or unable to set healthy boundaries? Definitely childhood stuff. Unable to ask for help?Continue reading “The 4 Pillars of Healing and Growth”