Author Archives: Adam

If you suffer from low self-esteem, self-loathing, or self-sabotage… if you’ve got toxic shame, chronic anxiety, or depression… if you seem to have a perpetually dysregulated nervous system and just can’t shake your bad habits, intrusive thoughts, and self-defeating behaviors, you may be asking yourself… what the fuck?! Well, I’d like to take a moment toContinue reading “How Do I Heal My Nervous System?”

We’re all born needing two things more than anything else on earth – connection with others and connection with ourselves. When either one is missing, or worse, when we’re forced to choose between the two, we adapt in ways that keep us alive but quietly wreck our lives. These adaptations can look like “bad habits,” failed relationships,Continue reading “Attachment, Authenticity, Trauma, Addiction, Recovery”

There are two fundamentally distinct types of “I keep choosing awful partners.” One of them arises from simply not knowing any better — a mere problem of immaturity or ignorance. The other results from much deeper developmental wounds and can be discouragingly difficult to resolve. People often refer to this as Broken Picker Syndrome. I’d like toContinue reading “Broken Picker Syndrome”

I know a couple who’ve been married for decades. He’s a jovial social butterfly with nothing but smiles and puns for the world. She’s more like Benito Mussolini with hemorrhoids — salty, controlling, and downright intimidating. I’ve never seen her smile, despite being married to The Spirit of Christmas himself. They say opposites attract. Quite a vagueContinue reading “Dating Your Shadow To Become Whole”

The survival tools you use to escape a shitty childhood are not tools you can use to build a healthy adulthood. This is not always immediately obvious for a couple of reasons. Firstly, a dysfunctional family system will misinform you, confuse you, and leave you ill-equipped to skillfully engage with reality. Especially as it relatesContinue reading “Survival vs. Living”

Let’s say you’re driving a car and the check engine light comes on. Do you know what happens if you ignore it and keep driving? Literally nothing. The car is fine, you’re fine, everything is fine, ok? Fine. It’s usually something simple — an air filter, oxygen sensor, or spark plug — something you could replace in about tenContinue reading “Feelings: A Soul’s Check Engine Light”

Have you ever had full knowledge of the solution to your problem but simply could not execute? What the shit is that all about? So many people feel trapped, powerless, and hopeless against seemingly insurmountable obstacles in their lives. They often describe it as being “stuck.” The million-dollar question, therefore, is how do you getContinue reading “Getting Unstuck”

An avoidant attachment style is often the result of unboundaried, inconsistent, abusive, or unreliable parenting. It could also come from fantastic parents who did all the right things but were nonetheless emotionally unavailable. In any event, the child learns to value autonomy, independence, security, and protection over things like vulnerability, connection, and intimacy. The outcomeContinue reading “Understanding Avoidant Attachment”

The word authenticity comes from the Latin words auto, meaning self, and tenere, meaning to have or to hold. Thus, being authentic means to have a self. In a world where so many people are trying to look, sound, or be like someone else, fully embracing yourself for everything you are and everything you areContinue reading “Authenticity Is A One-Person Job”

Some of us had to deny ourselves to survive childhood. Maybe it was clear you didn’t matter. Perhaps being seen was a bad thing because your family was so abusive and dysfunctional, and it was better to not rock the boat. Maybe you were constantly invalidated, belittled, mocked, criticized, or micromanaged. It may have beenContinue reading “De-Selfed: Why Don’t I Know Who I Am?”