Do you use sex to create instant love?
The intrigue and the desire. Vulnerability and openness. Novelty, playfulness, adventure.
To be seen, heard, respected, valued — even worshipped in a way. A tender embrace. Touch, taste, smell — all senses fully engaged.
Dopamine, oxytocin, adrenaline… a sweet bouquet of neurochemical euphoria.
A deep sense of presence and connection. Calm safety and companionship.
Surely this is love, right?
Ummm… actually, no. It’s literally just sex.
And it normalizes eventually within any relationship (it can’t be like the first time, every time).
Countless people build their entire lives on this foundation of smoke and mirrors and are completely baffled every time the magic wears off. This is why many people have affairs.
They claim that they fell out of love, they grew apart, they just wanted different things, they got bored, or whatever.
It’s a tale as old as time, my friends.
And just to be clear, sex is fucking fantastic. Don’t get me wrong. But perhaps nature has designed this animal activity to maximize chances of bonding and attachment to facilitate procreation.
Maybe it’s supposed to feel like love.
Anthropological musings aside, ya’ll need to know that sex is not love. Feelings aren’t facts. Nature giveth, and nature taketh away. And multiple orgasms do not a relationship make.
This is why it is so important to write down in exquisite detail exactly what you want in a partner. This is the whole premise of the Fix Your Picker downloadable workbook.
Also, this is why we absolutely have to get to know someone as objectively as possible before we hop in the sack.
Surging hormones can turn rational thought into a giddy game of patty-cake.
A little panting and moaning could transform your “I won’t settle” into “He’s got potential.”
It’s the most astonishing magic trick I’ve ever seen. So wonderfully diabolical. And it happens to millions of people, every moment of every day.
So how do you protect yourself from falling into instant love with sociopaths and deadbeats?
- Stop diving into relationships genitals-first
- Really get to know yourself deeply
- Write down exactly what you want in a partner
- Don’t go on any second dates with someone who doesn’t fit the description
That’s a good place to start.
If you want to know more, you can follow me on Instagram, subscribe to my blog (see 10 Tips For Healthy Dating), take the free relationship quiz, peruse the resources page, and even book a free consultation with yours truly.
4 thoughts on “Instant Love, Just Add Sex”
Wonderfully diabolical! So real! Note to self, step back and examine the whole package! (Pun not intended but hey!😉)
Hahaaa… I see what ya did there. Glad you enjoyed the piece. Thanks for reading 🙂
Pulitzer Prize Adam! Thank you for this truth. 💯
My pleasure, Bea 🙏🏼