You-Statements vs. I-Statements

If y’all can learn this one ass lesson about healthy communication, I swear on a stack of babies it’ll improve your relationships by one million percent. The use of I-statements (speaking about your own experience) is a safe and boundaried way to communicate that builds trust and intimacy. You-statements (speaking about others’ experience), however, areContinue reading “You-Statements vs. I-Statements”

Perfectionism As an Attempt to Be Lovable

What’s the carrot that dangles in front of every perfectionist? What’s the supposed thing that happens at the end of all their striving? Maybe then I’ll be good enough. Then I’ll get noticed. Then I’ll be loved, accepted, and appreciated. Perfectionism as Codependency I wonder if we could consider perfectionism just another flavor of codependency? OneContinue reading “Perfectionism As an Attempt to Be Lovable”

2 Questions That Can Change Your Life

Many of humanity’s greatest personal challenges stem from unresolved trauma, which shows up as various forms of dissociation and self-abandonment. Some trauma occurs when we’re babies, too young to even remember explicitly. But our bodies remember that shit like it was yesterday! And it often results in lifelong, compulsive, self-defeating habits and behaviors. And becauseContinue reading “2 Questions That Can Change Your Life”

How Toxic Shame Sabotages Your Relationships and What to Do About It

As a full-time relationship coach, I can say for sure that the greatest obstacle to helping people learn, heal, grow, and cultivate loving relationships with themselves and others is toxic shame. Hands down. This soul-eating emotion (as the founder of analytic psychology Carl Jung described it) tries to persuade you that you are less thanContinue reading “How Toxic Shame Sabotages Your Relationships and What to Do About It”

Making Others Bad to Justify Your Shitty Behavior

It’s amazing how the whole world seems to change when I heal. I no longer see people as adversarial, threatening, or terrible — sent to earth with the sole mission of making my life suck. You see, when other people are the problem, I get to be a shithead. This is war! Screw those people! But whenContinue reading “Making Others Bad to Justify Your Shitty Behavior”

Meditation, Dissociation, and Embodiment

The instructor opened with, “State your name and briefly tell us why you came to this meditation class.” Adrift in an ocean of Lululemon and essential oils, I soon realized that one of these things was not like the others. All these yoga teacher lookin ass people had their gratitude journals open and were alreadyContinue reading “Meditation, Dissociation, and Embodiment”

Your Lizard Brain Don’t Read Books

I sure do love me some self-help books. Truly. But I have learned that knowledge is never enough. Understanding your problem is definitely important. Most folks don’t recover from a problem they can’t even identify. But healing requires action. Small. Consistent. Daily. Action. Let me explain… Healing often requires that you re-train the thinking partContinue reading “Your Lizard Brain Don’t Read Books”

C.R.A.Z.Y. (Compulsive Romantic Attraction & Zealous Yearning)

If you’re over the moon infatuated with another human being, it’s typically not because this person is your soul mate and you can’t let them get away. That kind of “chemistry” (oxytocin, adrenaline, dopamine, and vasopressin, to be specific) comes from inside you, not from someone else. Supernatural, electromagnetic attraction often has very little toContinue reading “C.R.A.Z.Y. (Compulsive Romantic Attraction & Zealous Yearning)”

Dear Exhausted Survivor,

There’s a pain living deep inside you, and there ain’t enough room in that town for the both of ya. So you leave. Often. Seldom do you return home where the hurt fills every room. You find temporary lodging in busyness, achievement, self-medication, and turmoil. Essentially a homeless homeowner – embarrassing to admit, even to yourself. CompulsiveContinue reading “Dear Exhausted Survivor,”