Author Archives: Adam

Riding in the back seat of the car, she uses massive kitchen shears to point at something on my face. “Woahhhh there,” I say as I push the scissors away. “We’re in a moving vehicle. Don’t point those things at me.” After a bit more discussion, now the car is in reverse, and this womanContinue reading “Am I the Problem?”

As a kid, I remember thinking it was sooooo important to get everyone in my life presents for Christmas. Maybe not because I was so generous and wonderful but more likely because I was terrified of not being loved, accepted, or esteemed. It was like I had to reassure people that it was worth theirContinue reading “Dumb-Ass Holiday Traditions”

The unavoidable consequence of unprocessed trauma is self-reliance. Fierce independence, isolation, inability to ask for help, perfectionism, workaholism, addiction — it comes in all shapes and sizes. But behind each mask is a desperate attempt to regulate an inner turmoil that we never made sense of. When we feel threatened, powerless, or have any experience that overwhelmsContinue reading “Trauma-Induced Self-Reliance”

“Where there is resentment, there is martyrdom.” ~Natalie Ryan Hebert My friend, mentor, and fellow healer Natalie dropped this heater on me the other day. Hooweee, that’s got some stank on it! The way I read that (and she can correct me if I’m wrong) is that, if I’m resentful, I’ve probably made a decisionContinue reading “Resentment and Martyrdom”

Blaise Pascal once wrote, “All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” People do all kinds of wild shit to avoid the existential dread of loneliness. Sure, humans are social animals and the very fabric of our existence is comprised of relationships, but it is absolutely essential toContinue reading “Alone But Not Lonely”

You don’t have any new problems. Anything that’s eating your lunch is something you’ve most likely been carrying all your life. Do your personal relationships suck? Surely a product of your attachment style and upbringing. Low self-esteem? That started as a kid. Codependent or unable to set healthy boundaries? Definitely childhood stuff. Unable to askContinue reading “The 4 Pillars of Healing and Growth”

Let’s say that you and I both like to play tennis. But let’s suppose that you like to play because it’s fun, and I play because my parents never gave a solitary fuck about me until I started winning tournaments and bringing home trophies. Or maybe they were literally abusive to me when I lostContinue reading “You Are The Wound Beneath My Wings”

Byron Katie says, “When I argue with reality, I lose, but only 100% of the time.” Katie is famous for The Work, which is a process for questioning your beliefs and exposing a faulty relationship with reality that is often at the center of manufacturing misery for yourself. It’s four simple questions, followed by aContinue reading “Don’t Believe Everything You Think”

Growing up as the youngest of three boys in a dysfunctional home, I learned real quick that shit rolls downhill. All the trauma, shame, abuse, neglect, addiction, and chaos was unwittingly inflicted on me by people in my family who just didn’t know any better. And how was I supposed to know it wasn’t allContinue reading “Overlooked Causes and Effects of Shame”

6 Essential Steps to Reclaim Your Life Live SeminarSaturday, November 12th8:00-11:00AM (PST) As a full-time relationship coach, I can say for sure that the greatest obstacle to helping people learn, heal, grow, and cultivate loving relationships with themselves and others is toxic shame. Hands down. Shame prevents people from setting boundaries, protecting themselves, asking forContinue reading “Healing Toxic Shame”