Brazilian MMA fighter Alexandre Pantoja recently won the UFC flyweight world championship belt. In his post-fight interview with tears in his eyes, he said, “My mom take care of me and my two brothers alone… Now, Dad, you proud of me, Dad. You proud of me.” It was profound. But also, it’s not uncommon toContinue reading “You Are Good Enough”
Author Archives: Adam
Settle for More
People settle for less in romantic relationships for many different reasons. Fear, insecurity, low self-esteem, immaturity, scarcity mindset, ignorance, trauma, shame, codependence, etc. They find themselves in unsatisfying relationships time and time again with people who can’t show up, hear them, respect their boundaries, or meet their needs. But instead of settling for less… whatContinue reading “Settle for More”
You-Statements vs. I-Statements
If y’all can learn this one ass lesson about healthy communication, I swear on a stack of babies it’ll improve your relationships by one million percent. The use of I-statements (speaking about your own experience) is a safe and boundaried way to communicate that builds trust and intimacy. You-statements (speaking about others’ experience), however, areContinue reading “You-Statements vs. I-Statements”
Perfectionism As an Attempt to Be Lovable
What’s the carrot that dangles in front of every perfectionist? What’s the supposed thing that happens at the end of all their striving? Maybe then I’ll be good enough. Then I’ll get noticed. Then I’ll be loved, accepted, and appreciated. Perfectionism as Codependency I wonder if we could consider perfectionism just another flavor of codependency? OneContinue reading “Perfectionism As an Attempt to Be Lovable”
2 Questions That Can Change Your Life
Many of humanity’s greatest personal challenges stem from unresolved trauma, which shows up as various forms of dissociation and self-abandonment. Some trauma occurs when we’re babies, too young to even remember explicitly. But our bodies remember that shit like it was yesterday! And it often results in lifelong, compulsive, self-defeating habits and behaviors. And becauseContinue reading “2 Questions That Can Change Your Life”
Nobody Owns Love
When pilgrims introduced the idea of owning land to Native Americans, it was completely baffling to them. This is mother earth, how can you possibly own her? That’s like saying, “I own the sun.” No you don’t, you dumbass. I feel the same way about love. I don’t own it, I’m not entitled to it,Continue reading “Nobody Owns Love”
How Toxic Shame Sabotages Your Relationships and What to Do About It
As a full-time relationship coach, I can say for sure that the greatest obstacle to helping people learn, heal, grow, and cultivate loving relationships with themselves and others is toxic shame. Hands down. This soul-eating emotion (as the founder of analytic psychology Carl Jung described it) tries to persuade you that you are less thanContinue reading “How Toxic Shame Sabotages Your Relationships and What to Do About It”
Making Others Bad to Justify Your Shitty Behavior
It’s amazing how the whole world seems to change when I heal. I no longer see people as adversarial, threatening, or terrible — sent to earth with the sole mission of making my life suck. You see, when other people are the problem, I get to be a shithead. This is war! Screw those people! But whenContinue reading “Making Others Bad to Justify Your Shitty Behavior”
Meditation, Dissociation, and Embodiment
The instructor opened with, “State your name and briefly tell us why you came to this meditation class.” Adrift in an ocean of Lululemon and essential oils, I soon realized that one of these things was not like the others. All these yoga teacher lookin ass people had their gratitude journals open and were alreadyContinue reading “Meditation, Dissociation, and Embodiment”
Your Lizard Brain Don’t Read Books
I sure do love me some self-help books. Truly. But I have learned that knowledge is never enough. Understanding your problem is definitely important. Most folks don’t recover from a problem they can’t even identify. But healing requires action. Small. Consistent. Daily. Action. Let me explain… Healing often requires that you re-train the thinking partContinue reading “Your Lizard Brain Don’t Read Books”