Healing Toxic Shame

6 Essential Steps to Reclaim Your Life Live SeminarSaturday, November 12th8:00-11:00AM (PST) As a full-time relationship coach, I can say for sure that the greatest obstacle to helping people learn, heal, grow, and cultivate loving relationships with themselves and others is toxic shame. Hands down. Shame prevents people from setting boundaries, protecting themselves, asking forContinue reading “Healing Toxic Shame”

When Boundary Violation Is Your Love Language

In Gary Chapman’s classic title, The 5 Love Languages, he describes the various ways in which people give and receive love. For instance, some people don’t feel loved by their partner unless they experience physical affection or hear affirming words on a regular basis. Some feel disconnected from their beloved if they aren’t spending qualityContinue reading “When Boundary Violation Is Your Love Language”

Pathological Pleasantness

Are you delightful during all hours of every day? Just a stream of kindness, love, compassion, and cheerfulness? Do you have seven gratitude journals next to your bed? Are you compulsively helpful to everyone? Is happiness your default emotion? Ok, Adam, you just described Mary Poppins. What’s the problem here? Well, first of all, she’sContinue reading “Pathological Pleasantness”

Domestic Silence

Sometimes we don’t actually know what we want in our romantic relationships. Other times we do know but aren’t sure how to express it. Or we’re afraid to say it. Maybe we don’t feel like we deserve to have these desires — like we’d be asking for too much. And sometimes, we have asked — perhaps many times over — butContinue reading “Domestic Silence”

When Attachment Matters More Than Authenticity

Harry Harlow’s famous surrogate mother experiment with Rhesus monkeys in the 1960s showed us just how important attachment is. When these infant monkeys were given two inanimate “mothers,” one made of wood and wire that had a milk bottle and another made of rubber and terry cloth (but without food), the babies chose the snugglyContinue reading “When Attachment Matters More Than Authenticity”

Self-Care vs Self-Love

Self-care is definitely a vital part of living a happy and healthy life, but it’s damn near useless without self-love. Uh oh… wait a second… what’s the difference? Well, self-care is comprised of things like healthy eating, exercise, meditation, rest, hygiene, boundary setting, etc. — essentially anything you do that’s good for your physical and emotional health.Continue reading “Self-Care vs Self-Love”

Why Criticism Destroys Relationships

I’ve often heard people say communication problems are the #1 reason relationships fail. Hell, I’ve probably said that a few times myself. But what does that even mean? That’s like saying the #1 cause of death is your heart stops beating. Ummm… ok. Thanks for the mind-blowing insight? Today, I’m gonna highlight one of theContinue reading “Why Criticism Destroys Relationships”

3 Types of Feelings

Feelings are absolutely essential. They drive the majority of our thoughts, desires, and actions. For the most part, I’d say feelings are what give meaning to our lives. They give us passion, friendship, love, purpose, enjoyment, and everything worthwhile. Indeed, feelings can be quite wonderful. But why do they have to be so damn confusingContinue reading “3 Types of Feelings”

Being Inauthentic Prevents Connection

It’s impossible to form healthy, satisfying, or sustainable connections with people by being fake. Seems pretty obvious, but people are still out here giving it the old college try, aren’t they? Perfectionism? Fake.Nice Guy Syndrome? Fake.Codependency? Fake.Social Chameleon? Fake. These (and so many more) are inauthentic and fundamentally dishonest ways of curating other people’s perceptionsContinue reading “Being Inauthentic Prevents Connection”